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The Rules of Consumption

The Rules of Consumption
Various Bars downtown
Fri February 26th 2010

Sitting at a bar enjoying a conversation and a whiskey I catch the end of a statement said behind me: “…its liquor before beer, you’re in the clear.” I’ve previously heard such statements to “the surefire way to avoid hangovers,” but where this conversation went was just entertaining. Three friends who (based on their balance and dictation) were already well on their way to waking up the next day with a staggering hangover, were discussing their own personal drinking methods, all of which led to no hangover. One man’s customized plan included eating a greasy cheese steak and drinking water prior to going to bed, this seemed simply and reasonable. His friend though, had a different approach: “...I start with slamming a PBR, then a double shot of Jager, and another PBR shotgun, all in about 5 minutes.” Off the bat I’d say he’d be hung over the next day but listening on he explained the elaborate guide to drink like Axel Rose and be right as rain the next day. As he preached his glorious method I did agree with some staple tactics: greasy anything and water seems to hold off the hangover monsters, and even slamming some OJ before going to bed sounded keen. Then I lost faith and found myself spellbound as talks of “stretching” and “looking up and singing while walking” replaced the once logical methods. Ten minutes later and it was like he was reciting a Peter Jackson film with ventures to far away bars and defying the odds to get a 2lbs bag of snickers from the Walgreens by his house. Aside from custom systems and hilarious guidelines, on today’s market there are a variety of “Anti-Hangover” products ranging from pills to patches, rubbing cream and 2oz tubes crammed with enough Vitamin B and Antioxidants to turn you into a superhero, but from my experimentation all they do is keep you up which only seems to magnify the awkward stage that is “The Hangover.” Others disagree and state that these little miracles do work and they feel fine the next day. Either way I stand by my personal “Hangover Guideline” which is, if you drink a gallon of whiskey you should wake up with a hangover that could slay a walrus. Greasy foods, water, moderation, supplements, there are a lot of new and old ways to prevent that nasty Hyde lurking behind the empty pint glass or bitten lime on the bar, so get out there and discover your own.
Cheers,
Casey Capper

Posted by Mark Fetter on February 27th, 2010 | Permalink